As I was making dinner and we were all in the kitchen. I had asked my husband..."Do you think he knows I'm his Momma?" I was surprised and hurt at his response. He said something like "well he either thinks its you or your mom". Caught off guard I said "Thanks for that comment". I was so hurt but try not to let it get to me since we were about ready to have dinner. Being so upset...I went for a low blow...and said to my baby..."Then you must think your grandpa (my dad) is your daddy!" After that we dropped our conversation.
The thing is...I have no choice but to leave the baby with someone else. I don't have the money to be an at home mom taking care of my baby. If I could, I would! I would LOVE to stay home and watch him grow up...but the truth is we can't afford it!
When I talk to my mom at the end of the day about the baby...its bitter sweet. She tells me about his day...and I start to think to myself...I missed all of that. Don't get me wrong, I love to hear about his day and what he did. The thing is that I also have to think that I wasn't there and I won't see it again. I'm not there to feed him breakfast...put him down for a nap...take him to the park during the day!
I'M AT WORK!
I make really good money for what I do. I'm able to take my son into Babies R US and drop a couple of hundreds on anything that he needs! I don't want to leave my baby but its something that I have to do. In all, I don't get much time with him during the week cause of my work. My day starts at 4:45 a.m. and ends when I get home at 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. From that time...its dinner time...clean up time...or running errands. After dinner or errands, its about 6:30 p.m. or so. My son goes to sleep around 7:30 p.m. So really...I only get about an hour maybe two hours if I'm lucky to spend with him.
I know he didn't mean anything bad...well at least I hope he didn't...but I just hope he realized how much it did hurt...
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